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An MP has tabled a private member’s bill titled ‘Right to Vandalism’. The bill seeks to make it legally permissible for political party workers or ideological hacks to ransack the residences of people they don’t agree with and indulge in arson under specific circumstances. The bill has been welcomed by some Shiv Sena members who had indulged in such behaviour to give vent to their fury over some unpalatable Facebook comments posted by a young girl in Maharashtra.
The MP’s intervention has also been seconded by some groups that had indulged in vandalism in August to protest against ethnic killings in Assam and Myanmar.
The new right is not to be confused with hooliganism though, since it can be exercised only under specific cases. The Right to Vandalism can be invoked only if an article, comment or a remark from any individual or group hurts a popular sentiment of any form. An exhaustive list of the 5,982 sentiments that qualify for this purpose has been drafted. Some of the sentiments included are fashion sense, comic timing, inclination towards sports etc.
However, under extreme circumstances, prior permission can be taken to make allowances for vandalism against movies, opponents in cricket matches, and celebration of special days like Valentine’s Day etc.
Experts across the nation have hailed the new right, and believe it would be a much needed addition to the Indian democracy. “It is a logical extension of the Right to Speech. If a pen is mightier than a sword, words are more dangerous than a physical attack. Thus, ideally speaking, right to vandalism should have come even before the right to speech. Well, better late than never. The nation deserves this. The Indian democracy deserves this,” one luminary exclaimed, unable to hide his tears over the impending legislation.
In conjunction with the new right, much needed changes are being made to Section 66A of the IT law as well. “There has been a lot of commotion about Section 66A being unfair and archaic. We plan to change all that with just a small tweak. The law will no longer be positioned at 66A, but will move to 666A, the number of the beast, hence justifying its draconian ways,” an official informed, before insightfully adding ,“There was nothing wrong with the law itself, it was just branded wrong was all.”
PS: Minutes after this article was up, the author Lokesh Bahety’s paan shop was raided by unidentified goons. Lokesh himself was picked up by Maharashtra police after an hour. The Unreal Team is now collecting money from generous donors for his bail as well as a cheap laptop that he can use to compose more such Unreal articles from his lock-up cell.