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With just 2 days to go before the word ends on 21st December 2012 as prophesied in the ancient Mayan scriptures, the Congress amazed the nation by unveiling Dr. Manmohan Singh as the modern counterpart of the biblical character Noah. He will be the man responsible for building the ark and handpicking the finest specimens of every species to rebuild life in the post-apocalyptic world.
Sonia Gandhi introduced her hand-picked man for the mission, Dr Manmohan Singh, thus: “As per the Indian mythology, Lord Manu, the Matsya Avatar of Vishnu, picked creatures from each species and built a new world after the great flood. So it is only fitting for our Manu Ji, I mean Manmohan Singh to carry the flag.”
Filled with excitement, Dr. Singh revealed the names of people who would accompany him. “First and foremost, I would like to thank Madamji for once again giving me the opportunity to be the captain of the ship. Regarding team selection, ideally I would have liked to kick off things with a long-winding, dreary debate just as in the case of FDI in multi-brand retail. Sadly, we are hard pressed for time. Regarding the selection of animals, we will speak to Maneka Gandhi. She is the best judge when it comes to deciding animal rights, I mean the right animals to come on board. But she needn’t worry about selection of bovines, we have members of the TN Youth Congress for that. Sadly, this means Shashi Tharoor won’t be joining us considering his disdain for travelling cattle-class.”
“Coming to the human side of the selection, I insisted that we have a FDI component in the form of Walmart executives. People with multiple talents like Digvijay Singh and Manish Tewari who apart from being a politician are also great standup comedians will be given priority. Also, this selection will be above any party bias. So we’ll have a 3-D image of NaMo.
“And when it comes to brainlessness, it was a close contest between Akshay Kumar and Salman Khan but I somehow found Dabang 2 to be even more intolerable than Khiladi 786 so Sallu is in. Have I forgotten anyone..oh of course, the Homo NehruGandhiSapiens, who as we all know are a notch higher than ordinary homo sapiens. Rahul baba will be the representative of this unique sub-class of the human race. We also have a disaster recovery plan in hand. In case anything goes wrong with the boat, Rehman Malik will be there to blame the weather no matter what,” Dr. Singh went on like a man on mission.
“Though N. Srinivasan suggested his personal choice when it came to selection of cricketers, we decided not to consider Dhoni as he may blame us for the quality of the floors of the ark. And without any scope for hesitation, Sachin will be there as people of the country unanimously want to see him retire on a high one day and I believe that ‘This world is not enough’ for him. And before I finish one thing I would like to say is….” Dr. Singh suddenly paused.
With his head down, he seemed to be offering some prayers to God. Then suddenly he looked up. With his fist raised, he gave way to a loud cry, “Yes, We Can”.
Robert Vadra has been designated to identify the chosen ones from the common people of country for boarding the great ark and is rumored to have planned try outs with novel games like banana-fencing for men and mango shake making for women. He is also supposed to have roped in DLF for construction of the ark.