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This year, on the night before Christmas, as usual, children and adults all over the world wrote down what they wanted from Santa this year and put it in a sock hung on the Christmas tree. The UnReal Times managed to access the demands of some celebrities from India and the world over:
Manmohan Singh: Oh Santa! Please keep my three daughters safe. And this year, please don’t let me dress up as you in Rahul baba’s party.
Mamata Banerjee: Shontaji, please rebhearse the time and bring back 2012 again. Life bhithout pulling legs of Monmohon Singh is so boring.
Barack Obama: Santa, I can deal with everyone, but can you please tell me how to deal with Pakistan?
Nitin Gadkari: It’s my secret wish, If at all, there is any cake ghotala in future, please let me be a part of it, whichever be the government in Centre.
Rahul Gandhi: Santa Uncle. Life is no fun these days. Can you please make me the host of ‘Zaiqa India ka’ so that I can taste the food at different Dalit homes all over India, and get free publicity from it?
L K Advani: For one day, just for one day at least, Hey Santa, please make me the Prime Minister of the country. Pleeeeeaaaaaaaaase.
Julian Assange: Grant me the same power as you gave to Anil Kapoor in Mr India. Could make my work very easy.
Salman Khan: Hey Santa dude, don’t give my directors and viewers much intelligence to understand my movies. Let us all be happy the way things are.
Laloo Yadav: Hamara Assistantwa bola ki aap Sant Clown hai, to hamre liye to bhagwane huye na. Ee tanik Rabri ko kuch kaam dijiye, Saara din ghar me humka always nagging karti hai.
Banta: Dear Santa Claus, Every year, this period of time, my colleage Santa gets more publicity than me. Can you please have a companion Banta Claus and make me equally famous?
Li Xinping: Mr Santa, Can you please forward me the wish list of all my fellow Chinese. Our govt has to censor all their wishes, and take a decision whether they should be acknowledged or ignored.
CBI Chief: Dear Santa Claus,we have understood, real power lies with us. Why not allow us to rule instead of the ruling government?
A Delhi girl: Dear Santa, I have to go to college this year. Please make papa rich so that I can go in a huge chauffeur driven SUV and not forced to travel in a public bus.
Sudhir Choudhary (Zee editor of the Jindal sting CD fame): Please bail us out from this dirty sting operation controversy in which we are trapped. I have also prepared a carrol for the same:
Jindal bail. Jindal bail.
Jindal all the way.
Tougher actions are coming around
Save us from dismay.