A prominent Pakistan based match fixer, Kabir Gaslightwala, has accused the Pakistan team of duping him of an undisclosed but humungous amount by contravening the terms of their deal and failing to throw the match. Gaslightwala has now beseeched Scotland Yard to step in and conduct a thorough probe into the Pakistan team’s unethical, unprofessional and extremely sporting conduct, which resulted in an intriguing match that could have gone either way till the end until India’s second most infamous son-in law after Robert Vadra, Shoaib Malik, managed to hold his nerve and get his team past the winning line.
The Pakistan team management has defended the team’s conduct. “We have turned a new leaf now, ok. Our commitment is only to fans back home, not to match fixers. So why should we honor our commitments with these shady folks,” reasoned Pakistan team manager, Shabir Ahmed.
The Pakistan skipper said he’s sick and tired of match fixing controversies. “Why don’t they approach the Indian team to throw matches yaar? Why only our team has to be connected to these chaps. This time around we just want to play good cricket and win the series so that the boys bag lucrative IPL contracts after which our life will be chill, Moreover, its becoming more and more difficult to throw matches against this India team,” noted Pakistan skipper, Muhammed Hafiz.
Match-fixers say the Pakistan team’s approach has left them disappointed. “Oh man, now how do we make our living?” wondered a prominent Karachi based fixer to The Unreal Times. When this reporter suggested that perhaps they can approach the Indian team to throw matches instead, he gave a WTF look, stunned momentarily at the audacity of the suggestion, before recovering to mumble “Dude, stop making ridiculous suggestions. They have to get into winning positions first to be able to throw them, no?”
In related news, Dr. Manmohan Singh reportedly made a courtesy call to the Indian team after the match. A lugubrious Dhoni took the call but lost his cool after the PM asked “theek hai?” and let loose a volley of abuse. “Ek tho..we lost to Pakistan. And then he says ‘theek hai’. The dude had to arrange this dumb series with Pakistan at this awkward time when our form is in shambles. I couldn’t take it anymore and gave him a piece of my mind,” disclosed the infuriated Indian skipper.