With New Year’s eve less than 5 days away, media houses and newspapers have started conducting polls for “Politician of the year”, “Movie personality of the year”, “Sports personality of the Year” and so on. We at The Unreal Times, instead decided to recognize the hard work of drivers to famous celebrities and have launched “The Unreal Times Driver of the Year” poll for the chauffeur who has distinguished himself the most in 2012.
The nominees are:
Manmohan Singh’s driver: One of the fastest drivers on Indian roads, Banta Singh can cover the distance between 10, Janpath and 7 Race Course Road in a matter of minutes. Legend has it that he was once caught in a traffic jam on his way to 10, Janpath. Undaunted, he proceeded to tilt his car to the left and manoeuvred it on 2 wheels through the traffic jam at 80 km per hour to get his boss to a CWC meeting on time. Diligent and punctual, his loyalty to his boss is exceeded only by his boss’ loyalty to his boss. It is no wonder Dr. Singh hasn’t said a single word in anger to him in the past 8 years, save for one time when he rebuked him with a gentle “Theek hai” Banta can also reel off GDP growth rate figures of the past 10 years rounded off to three decimal places.
Mulayam Singh Yadav’s driver: If speed is Banta Singh’s speciality handling is Laxman Prasad Yadav’s forte. No one can make a sharper turn than Laxman Prasad. Blessed with phenomenal hand-ear coordination skills, Laxman Prasad has the gift to anticipate his boss’ instructions a second before he actually gives them, purely by observing the Samajwadi Party chief’s facial reactions when he’s on the phone, allowing him to make that left turn, right turn or sometimes a U-turn at the very last second. It helps too, that his best friend is the CBI chief’s driver.
Abhishek Manu Singhvi’s driver: The most tech-savvy of all drivers, Pyaremohan is phenomenally talented with Adobe Photoshop, Adobe AfterEffects and a number of other image manipulation tools. Reportedly, after his skills were acknowledged by Singhvi himself, he was sounded out by none other than James Cameron to work on a CGI graphics sequence for a scene in Avatar 2. Pyaremohan, however turned him down, stating that he felt most at peace driving his boss to and fro various Television studios everyday and watching him put a spin on the government’s mishaps. Also, did we mention that Pyaremohan is an absolute whiz with the spy-cam?
Nitin Gadkari’s driver: He’s one of those inspiring people in the world who believes in “simple living, high thinking”. Don’t let Manohar Panse’s simplicity fool you. He may wear ordinary clothes, live in an ordinary apartment, and send his kids to a government school, but underneath the garb of simplicity, is a shrewd businessman. Owner of several profitable companies, he continues to drive the BJP President around just for the heck of it. His low profile notwithstanding, businessmen seek him out from time to time, under the pretext of meeting his boss Nitin Gadkari, and ask for his counsel on finance, marketing and strategy.
M Karunanidhi’s driver: Driving Thiru Karunanidhi around has been Elamaaran’s childhood dream, which was duly fulfilled when he took over this job from his father five years ago, who in turn inherited this job from his grandfather twenty years ago, who in turn took over from his great grandfather thirty years ago, who in turn… well, you get the idea. Fluent in pure Tamil, and well versed in Sangam literature, he is perhaps the only person who can carry on an hour long conversation with Kalaignar purely in Thirukkurals.
Mamata Banerjee’s driver: One of the most skilled reverse-gear drivers in India, Bob Bishwaas has the kind of job that might put Jason Statham of Transporter fame to shame. He is prompt in executing roll-backs after shifting into reverse gear, if Didi does not like the direction she is heading in. Occasionally Didi turns to Bob for his suggestions and the driver obliges. The last time Didi sought his counsel was during the Presidential elections when she put forward Manmohan Singh as a potential candidate.
Rahul Gandhi’s driver: While his brief is to drive Rahul around to wherever the yuvraj might want to go, he likes to think that he’s more to Rahul than just a driver, just like Lord Krishna was more than just a charioteer to Arjuna. He constantly shadows the Nehru-Gandhi scion, accompanying him in his padyatras, visits to Dalit households, and sundry other activities. He writes Rahul’s speeches, shares his keen political insight with the yuvraj and from time to time advises him on political strategy. His motor skills, however, are overshadowed by his motor mouth and his irrational hatred for right wing organizations is constantly a subject of ridicule. Nevertheless, the Gandhis have recognized Diggy’s contribution and appointed him the AICC General Secretary.
So vote for one of these drivers in the comments section. If you think someone apart from those in the list deserves a chance, go ahead and tell us why! The winning driver will get a free lifetime subscription to Unreal articles featuring his boss.
(With inputs from the Unreal Team)