“Audiences are coming fresh from watching Dabangg 2, Khiladi 786 and recently Jab Tak Hai Jaan. I realize it’s going to be pretty challenging to top the standards of baloney that these movies have set. I can’t share too many details right now, but I can tell you that I feel pretty good about our chances of reaching new levels of jaw dropping incoherence,” said the actor at a function to release the movie’s posters, which featured him in a dhoti against a backdrop of obviously unattractive denizens of Tamil Nadu.
“I would strongly urge fans to not miss the movie, and be prepared to be blown away by the sheer lack of thought and the depth of indifference that has gone into the movie’s screenplay and dialogues,” said Rohit Shetty, the director of Chennai Express. “Get ready for your patience to be tested like never before. The storyline will careen and lurch uncontrollably like a drunken sailor from one improbable scenario to another, and will leave audiences gasping at the end of the show. Trust me, I’ve done Bol Bachchan and know what I’m talking about. With Chennai Express, I plan to reinvent the genre of meaningless tripe.”
“If you think you saw it all in Jab Tak Hai Jaan, you’ve got another thing coming,” elaborated Khan. “This time, we’ve really gone flat out to achieve an all new dimension of inanity. We’ve got gaping plot holes, bad music and unfunny and crude South Indian stereotypes. We’ve even gone to the extent of roping in Deepika Padukone who brings her own unique style of incoherent ineptness to acting. I mean, if Deepika can’t sink this movie, I don’t know who else can.”
Industry observers and film critics, in the meanwhile, await with bated breath for the movie release. “At first, when I heard “Chennai Express”, I figured it was some kind of a fast track court to try Rohit Shetty for molesting common sense. It sounds like I might still be right, loosely speaking,” said Rajeev Masand, a prominent movie critic.
In Other News
Akbaruddin Owaisi, MIM MLA, allegedly threatened violence against Hindus in an inflammatory speech, which is said to have been captured on video. For those who enjoyed the video, here’s an awesome offer: Buy Owaisi’s 3-DVD Collector’s edition set, and get a ‘Taliban Gone Wild‘ video completely free!
This week, Pakistan beat India in the second ODI at Eden Gardens to clinch the series. Cricket fans, look on the bright side. If you think about it, it was really Pakistan’s ability to self destruct which lost to India’s inability to win.
(Srini Chandra is the author of the spiritual bestseller ‘3 lives‘)