Justice Katju contemplates raising fraction of Indian idiots to 95%, after spate of sexist remarks

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Former Supreme Court judge and chairman of the Press Council of India, Justice Markandey Katju, who usually trends on twitter and comes under the glare of mainstream media for his interesting remarks and strikingly powerful views on various issues, is contemplating increasing the fraction of Indians who in his opinion are idiots to 95% from the earlier 90% in the wake of increasingly ludicrous, bordering on imbecilic, remarks by various political and social leaders across the country. The latest verbal gaffe from spiritual guru Asaram Bapu, opining that the medical student who was brutally raped by six men on a bus did not do enough to save herself, may have induced Justice Katju to re-calibrate the ‘Indian idiocy line’.

Jutice Katju, who had earlier kicked up a furore with his statement that 90% of Indians are idiots, is seeking public feedback through postal mail to scientifically validate his claim before placing it in the public domain. We, at The UnReal Times, too, have been privileged to receive his letter, which we present below, for our readers’ benefit. The letter is also likely to be posted on Justice Katju’s blog very soon:

From:
Justice Markandey Katju,
Chairman,
Press Council of India.

To:
The UnReal Times,
UnReal location,
India.

Date: January 7, 2013.

Dear columnists at The UnReal Times,

Sub: Regarding increasing my percentage of idiots in India to 95%

Greetings!
Hope this letter finds you in the good satirical spirits that you are always in. Going by the kind of news we have been seeing over the past couple of weeks, it appears as if the term ‘news’ has been redefined as ‘ridiculous statements’. I even thought for a minute if it was time to rename Press Council of India to ‘Controversy Coverage Council of India’. Only a couple of months ago, the simplest way to instant fame would have been to vehemently criticize Narendra Modi, but now, it most definitely is about making a highly sexist, misogynistic remark. I must admit I had been quite generous when I mentioned earlier that 90% of Indians are fools, but going by the spate of foolish remarks over the past couple of weeks – the ones by the likes of Abhijit Mukherjee, Sanjay Nirupam, Botsa Satyanarayana, Bhanwari Lal Singhal, Kailash Vijayvarghiya, Mohan Bhagwat and Asaram Bapu, whose collective following, because of whom they are where they are at present, does indeed amount to a non-negligible portion of the Indian population. This alarming fact has got me thinking on whether I should, perhaps, increase the percentage of idiots in the country by 5%. I would love to hear your feedback on the same, before placing my claim on record.

Regards,
Justice Markandey Katju.

P.S - There is one useful thing I have learned from all these recent happenings, though.

In case this letter of mine snowballs into a controversy much like many of my earlier statements, I have these 3 things to say – you may pick whichever excuse you prefer.

1. I have been misquoted.
2. My statements have been taken out of context.
3. I withdraw my remarks and apologize.


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  • Dev D

    Good one Ashwin :).

    Though I think here-on you guys will have to work real hard to get us, you loyal readers, to laugh. Real news is so damn shocking these days, it’s really upstaging UT news. Dig deep!!

    • http://ashwinsatirekumar.blogspot.com Ashwin

      thanks :)

      Oh yes, you bet ! Real news is making our lives too hard :D

  • Saurav

    Arnab needs to call him in his show, he will me made to capsize, aplosize, apologize anything!

  • The Ultimate CSK fan

    Excellent theme, ashwin.:)

    • http://ashwinsatirekumar.blogspot.com Ashwin

      thanks CSK fan :)

  • Kishore

    superb Ashwin.. you could also add 4th excuse as “this was written by my nephew” :):)

    • http://ashwinsatirekumar.blogspot.com Ashwin

      thank you :)

  • siddharth

    You are giving /b/ competition