The intense cold wave sweeping over the Indo-Gangetic plains has now taken its toll on a high profile denizen of the national capital, none other than the irrepressible and inimitable Digvijaya Singh. The veteran congress leaders apparently attempted to put his foot into his mouth in the wee morning hours, when the mercury level was hovering around zeo degrees, resulting in severe frostbite and freezing of his mouth. Diggy has been admitted to the ‘foot in the mouth’ VIP section of AIMS and is expected to recover soon.
Shedding light on the incident, an aide said, “Diggy sir has been under intense pressure of late, what with even small time leaders such as Sanjay Nirupam and Vijayvrgiya stealing the spotlight from him with their misogynistic statements and making front page news. The latest gaffe from Asaram Bapu was the last straw, driving Diggy sir to desperate measures to get back into the news, resulting in this unfortunate calamity.”
It indeed has been a difficult year for Diggy with leaders from both his party and the BJP beating him at his own game of dumbing down the discourse. Even his last intervention, claiming BJP had bought off Muslim voters, did not yield the coverage it deserved, as news editors had far more interesting and titillating material on their plate.
However, Diggy has no regrets about his latest misadventure. “It’s a matter of satisfaction that I at least made it to the front page of The Unreal Times. Even you guys have stopped devoting space to me,” he told us in an emotionally charged voice when The Unreal Times team called on him to wish him a speedy recovery.
We in turn thanked him for motivating us to write this baseless and pointless article and assured him that we’ll never cease covering him, especially on days when there is nothing newsy happening and we are starved for themes.