Ongoing Congress Jaipur Chintan Shivir generates tonnes of hot air, contributes to global warming

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The ruling Congress party’s ongoing brainstorming session in Jaipur to formulate positions on pressing national issues and fine-tune strategy to retain power after the 2014 General Elections has generated prodigious amounts of hot air as a by-product. So much so that it has earned a rebuke from the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change (IPCC), the premier international body for tracking climate changes due to human activity.

IPCC Chairman, Shri Rajendra Pachauri, noted in his assessment  that some of the resolutions emerging from the ongoing Chintan Shivir such as ‘mitigation of corruption’, ‘fostering inclusive growth’, ‘generation of employment’, ‘rapid eradication of poverty’ have led to a spike in emission of greenhouse gases and may have increased global temperatures by 0.0002 degrees Celsius.

He was particularly scathing of the deliberations in the sub-group on socio-economic challenges headed by Shri Digvijaya Singh, which generated a mushroom cloud of methane, bio gas and other miasmic vapours, forcing even some Congress delegates to choke and gasp for fresh air. The IPCC chairman however praised Dr. Manmohan Singh for being a silent observer during the confabulations and not adding to the buildup of greenhouse emissions.

On the positive side, the Chintan baithak brought some respite from the prevailing cold wave to the denizens of Jaipur, which could lead to electoral gains for India’s grand old party in this part of the country, according to Unreal Times psephologist, Rajniti Yadav.

The Congress President, Sonia Gandhi, has expressed satisfaction with proceedings and directed Congress leaders to mull on translating the impressive formulations and declarations of soci-economic transformation into tangible outcomes. Congress’ apex though leader, Jairam Ramesh, has already taken a lead by drafting a concept note on utilizing the hot air from these baithaks for power generation. “The possibilities are mind-boggling,” writes Jairam in the preface to the approach paper, “If all the natural gas of our thundering leaders can be captured and sequestered, whole villages can be electrified under the Rajiv Gandhi Gramin Vidyut Karan Yojana, many more LPG cylinders can be subsidized under the Rajiv Gandhi LPG Vitrak Yojana, new Rajiv Setus constructed across the country. In other words, this garam hawa can be a bigger game-changer than even direct cash transfers.”

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