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Rahul Gandhi’s career defining speech at the Congress’ Chintan Shivir in Jaipur has inspired the Mallya scion, Sid, to deliver a similar emotion laced, stirring speech to KFA stakeholders at the company’s headquarters in Bangalore.
The UnReal Times correspondent Viman Garib brings you excerpts of Sid’s speech:
KFA employees, KFA creditors, dad, Deepika, if you are there somewhere, and KFA shareholders, if you still exist:
Before I begin, I want to thank all of you from the bottom of my heart for giving me such a good time. The IPL rave parties, hide and seek games with Luke in plush 5 star hotels…whoo.
I know there are some people who want me to speak in my mother tongue and there are some people who just want to know when KFA is going to pay its dues. But as is our tradition, I’ll just stick to delivering inanities in a pseudo British-desi hybrid accent.
Many years ago, we unleashed a revolution in civil aviation by buying out that dumb low cost airline, Deccan, to give people a good time. Everybody told us it cannot be done. Everybody told us to stick to brewing beer. Every body said from low cost it will become a lost cause airline.
But dad went ahead. And look where we are now: Rs.8000 crores in debt; Salaries to staff in arrears; our jumbos grounded; Even Jumbo uncle has jumped ship, joining the Mumbai Indians.
But I am optimistic that we’ll turn things around thanks to the building blocks dad has put in place. Buying RCB, and with it, the likes of Vinay Kumar for ridiculous prices, ensures that we have a strong asset base. Kingfisher Calendars gave every Indian male the keys to the Garden of Pleasure, earning us tremendous good will and social capital.
Dad says that for every 100 paise of investment in KFA, 85 paise goes down the drain every year. I am still trying to understand what that means.
Now, I’ll tell you one or two things about KFA. Its not a company. Its one big rave party. The world’s biggest rave party. There are no rules, laws, or systems governing the running of KFA. I am surprised how it even managed to fly people when I look back.
I don’t claim to have all the answers. In fact, I have no answers.But there are millions of millionaires and someone somewhere has the money. I will look for that money, I will save the airline.
This morning I slept at 4 after drinking all night at the balcony, thinking I have no responsibility. I decided I will tell you about girls and beer. As a boy, I loved to play badminton, because many girls played it. I was taught the game by a girl, she then split with me after destroying my bank-balance.
Last night, everyone came all over me and asked my BBM Pin. But my father came to my room and he sat and cried. Because he understands that our beer which so many people crave is poison. He told me the key is to inebriate others with all the power at your disposal, not get drunk on it yourself.
The KF Airline is now my wife. The people of KFA are now my wife. And I will fight with the people of KFA. I will fight with everything I have, because KFA isn’t exactly behaving like a future wife.