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The Taliban’s reclusive spiritual leader, Mullah Omar, has joined the likes of DMK supremo Karunanidhi to denounce the treatment meted out to Kamal Haasan’s magnum opus, Vishwaroopam, by the Dr. Jayalalithaa government, saying such intolerance by the administration and the protesting groups is shocking even by the Taliban’s standards.
Speaking from his cave near Quetta to The Unreal Times Af-Pak correspondent, Habibullah ‘rocket’ Afridi, the one eyed Omar said Dr. Jayalalithaa had no business settling personal scores by banning movies on dubious grounds. “For that matter, being a woman, she has no business being CM of Tamil Nadu either and Kamal has no business making movies, as per our ideology,” he hastened to add. When informed that Kamal was mulling emigrating to a secular country, Mullah Omar invited him over to Af-Pak. “Rest assured, he will be unencumbered by pesky laws because this is a lawless region. He will have a blast here.”
Mullah Omar said he had just watched the pirated version of the movie and couldn’t understand what was objectionable about it. “Personally, I am a Rajini fan and found this movie to be rather over-hyped and the plot extremely banal,” he opined. “I mean, it shows Islamic warriors hatching a plot to blow up New York City. What’s exciting about that? We do such stuff for our day jobs and we need a release by watching something different, yaar. Give me a Rajini starrer like Robot any day to such highfalutin crap, man,” the Taliban chief observed wryly.
However, the one-eyed Omar also gave full marks to Kamal for providing much needed comic relief by playing a RAW officer who prevents the Islamic warriors from realizing their ill-conceived goals. “Indian RAW chap saving America from Islamic warriors. Hahaha..now that’s really funny man,” he said, struggling to hold back laughter induced tears.
Dr. Jayalalithaa has not taken kindly to the Taliban leader’s officious remarks and threatened to sue him in addition to Karunanidhi. When reminded that the Taliban leader has been absconding since 9/11, Dr. Jayalalithaa promptly dispatched a crack TN police unit to drag him out of his cave in the middle of the night and lock him up in Chennai’s central jail.
Karunanidhi has cautioned Mullah Omar to be alert. “If I were you, I would worry more about Amma following through with her threat than drone strikes. Take care, paa,” SMSed the Kalaignar to his Taliban counterpart.