Concerned by India’s growing haul of medals in the Olympics, the International Olympic Committee (IOC) in a conspiratorial move of extreme proportions has decided to drop wrestling from the 2020 Olympics. The sport fetched India more than a medal in its pitiful clutch at the 2012 Olympics. Sports watchers have concluded that an anti-India conspiracy could be the only explanation for removing wrestling while retaining obscure events like modern pentathlon that elicits little interest outside of select East European family circles. Contrary to its name, modern pentathlon requires the skills of a 19th century cavalry officer such as fencing and horse–riding.
Other sports watchers have debunked the anti-India conspiracy suggesting that aggressive lobbying by UIPM, the governing body for modern pentathlon has paid off. The UIPM successfully made a case for modern pentathlon on behalf of 19th century history fans and pretend cavalry officers. Pentathalon enthusiasts have praised the collective wisdom of the International Olympic Committee for its choice of sport. “The choice is a true reflection of the IOC’s sporting wisdom and an accurate barometer of the popularity of the pentathalon,” a UIPM spokesperson said. Inspired by the success of UIPM, chariot racing enthusiasts have now bandied together to lobby for the inclusion of the popular sport in 21st century Olympics. “More people know what chariot racing entails than they do of modern pentathalon,” one chariot racer argued.
The Indian Olympic Committee has however alleged a conspiracy, saying that the move to remove wrestling – one of the oldest of Olympic sports is the oldest trick in the book. India’s sporting authority claimed that the IOC needed to remove the sport in order to level the playing field and check rising Indian hegemony at the Olympics – the South Asian giant’s medal tally has been increasing exponentially from a solitary bronze in 2004 to 6 medals in London 2012 and at this rate, India could bag over 1500 medals at the 2044 Olympics, eclipsing both China and America. The secret ballot decision by the International Olympic Committee has left it open to charges of bribery by official Chinese sport enthusiasts and unofficial 19th century historians.
The International Olympic Committee in the meanwhile has asserted that the move helps India. The IOC issued an official statement saying, “We have cleared the aberration in India’s exemplary sporting track record. Wrestling was the only dark spot in an otherwise healthily non-athletic nation. As a non-sporting nation India offers a unique example to the world especially in contrast to China. The move reinforces the culture of discouragement of sports in India, which has been carefully inculcated by parents and schools alike. The decision will dissuade budding burly wrestlers and force them to give a second thought to the more chivalrous skills of a 19th cavalry officer.”
But the IOC has also added that wrestling still has a fighting chance to be included in the Olympics. Wrestling has to wrestle with the likes of other sport such as baseball, karate, roller sports, sport climbing, squash, wakeboarding and wushu to be included in the Olympics. Wushu enthusiasts were riled at the prospect of having to compete with wrestling for a position in the Olympics.
The news of the removal of wrestling elicited merely a yawn from the cricket crazy nation, which has as little an appetite for wrestling as it does for modern pentathlon. Some Indians merely mourned the prospect of India sinking further in the medals tally which would correspondingly shrink the size of our national ego. Stunned Indian wrestlers now have to choose between Bollywood and cricket for future career prospects. The news has also further hastened the conversion of wrestling akharas into cricket pitches.