Confident of getting clean chit from CBI, Hafiz Saeed surrenders to Indian authorities

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India’s long pending wish to get hold of Hafiz Saeed may at last be fulfilled. The 26/11 mastermind surrendered to Indian authorities at the Wagah-Attari border check-post yesterday evening on the condition that his prosecution would be handled by the CBI and no one else.

Saeed expressed admiration for the CBI’s track record in the ongoing 2G case as he was led away to Tihar. “Brazen collusion with the prime accused, clean chits to many others. Wow, I’m impressed. Even the Pakistani establishment doesn’t mollycoddle its home-grown jihadis as much as the Indian establishment pampers its scamsters,” he gasped in awe. The anti India vitriolic spewing Saeed will now embark on a new career in New Delhi as a low life middle-man involved in highly lucrative defense deals.

Although Saeed has long been aware of the CBI’s history of letting high profile cases drag on interminably with zero conviction rates, the arrest of the CEO of the Italian defense contractor, Finmeccanica, as part of a bribery investigation related to the 2010 sale of helicopters to India, swung his decision in favour of shifting base from Muridke to Tihar. “That’s when I realized that India is not all that different from Pakistan in the sense that arrests related to bad stuff in the home country, corruption in case of India and terrorism in case of Pakistan, happen only on foreign soil,” he noted.

When reminded of his earlier statement of inviting SRK to Pakistan, where he would feel more safe and respected, Saeed burst into tears. “I clearly was wrong,” said a contrite Saeed. “It’s the other way around. India offers a safe and secure environment, especially for middlemen involved in high value defense deals.”

The JuD amir dismissed concerns that the CBI would be highly ‘incentivized’ to nail him in light of the $10 billion bounty offered by the US Government for evidence leading to his conviction. “These guys deal with cases involving thousands, no make that lakhs, of crores of rupees. So what’s a measly $10 mn compared to that?” he asked.

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