Oh God, I have been analyzing the budget all day yesterday and I’m worried. Have to admit that Budget 2013 is lame. Cannot think of a single thing to take offense to. Boy, I am screwed. I had planned on dedicating my show for the whole of this weekend and next week to Budget 2013. How am I going to do my show with nothing offensive to take offense to?
Have to find something in the budget that is really going to stir the hornet’s nest and awake the nation’s sleepy conscience for an hour. Wait, I’ll just go through the salient points of Budget 2013… okay, everything seems pretty good to me. NO, Ctrl Alt Delete my previous thought! How can I even THINK that everything is okay in this country? It goes against the very basic grain of principle upon which my righteous angst that gushes out unbridled from 9 pm to 10 pm every day is based on.
What will my 300 loyal TV show viewers and the 300 million other viewers who pressed the wrong channel number combination on their remote and stumbled upon my show think? I just cannot say “The Budget seems to be ok”. My whole carefully cultivated, aurally challenging cult personality will go for a toss. I am supposed to be the voice of the nation! Wait, that reminds me. I HAVE to do my vocal exercises. Tsk tsk, my voice is not as it used to be when I worked for that rival television show where the decibel levels are strictly controlled. Getting sidetracked… What was I worried about? Oh, yes, the budget. Back to the salient points. I cannot believe there is not a single thing that is controversial in this budget. Kind of miss Pranab da. Atleast when he was the finance minister, we could spend the whole day figuring out what he was saying in his speech. Used to be fun…
OK, ARNAB FOCUS! Hmm…why am I having the feeling it is last year’s budget with just the figures changed to account for inflation? I think I can spot whitener marks where the changes have been made… Ha, ha. I made a joke. And it was a GOOD one… Still can’t find anything. Arey, I cannot even call important people as panellists to my show these days because they refuse to come, saying I never let them complete their sent…WAIT! Brainwave! Maybe in today’s show I’ll just use my god-given ability to force theatricality into the even most mundane of issues. Yep, that’s it! I am going to read the entire budget speech, bang my fists on the table and end with my catchprase “THE NATION DEMANDS AN ANSWER.” Oh, and by the way, I am AWESOME.