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Fed up with Pakistani batsmen posting lousy, impossible to defend totals on decent batting tracks, Pakistani bowlers have quit the national team and offered their services to teams with better batting line-ups, especially Team India, in the hope of reducing their burden.
Pakistani bowlers are especially envious of their Indian counterparts, who are often spoilt for choice when defending scores well over 300. “Ishant tells me that he is never under pressure even if he is getting tonked around the park because his team always has sufficient runs in the bank and he sometimes even bowls low full tosses if he’s not feeling up to it,” wistfully noted tear-away pacer, Mohammad Irfan, nursing a sore back after he bowled his heart out in the previous match while trying to defend a sub-par score of 170.
Pakistani bowlers are now trying to get into the Indian team to reduce their workload and pressure. “I’m so done with trying to break the 150 kph barrier, man,” wailed rookie pacer, Junaid Khan. “Now I’m looking forward to getting mentored by Venkatesh bhai in the art of bowling gentle military medium followed by even slower deliveries to outfox batsmen.” Leggie Saeed Ajmal says that that the swap should bring relief to Indian batsmen too. “I’ve told Dhoni bhai that they don’t even have to score over 300. We can easily defend anything over 200 and Indian batsmen can chill a bit,” he noted.
Team India’s management, however, has mixed feelings about dumping Indian bowlers and replacing them with lethal Pakistani ones. “Our style of play is to notch up humungous scores and then wear out the opposition with pedestrian bowling, taking it to the end in the process. It keeps everyone on their toes, especially Indian batsmen, who always try and bat out of their skins because with our bowling attack one never knows what a safe score is,” opined MSD.
Meanwhile, ICC has warned India and Pakistan that if they swap their bowlers, both teams will be disqualified from international cricket for differing reasons. “Obviously, a team with Pakistani batsmen and Indian bowlers doesn’t qualify as an international team. Such a team won’t even be able to beat Bangladesh and therefore doesn’t deserve to play in the Champions Trophy,” noted ICC CEO, Dave Richardson. “Conversely, the team with Indian batsmen and Pakistani bowlers will also be disqualified because it will be so invincible and dominant that the tournament will be robbed off all excitement.”