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India has struck back hard at repeated Pakistani transgressions and provocations by smuggling over ten thousand pirated DVDs of SRK starrer Chennai Express into Lahore, and Karachi via Dubai. Another lethal consignment, comprising DVDs of Goldie Behl’s Drona, Ram Gopal Varma’s Aag, and Aditya Chopra’s Jab Tak Hai Jaan, has been shipped via the Indian consulate in Jalalabad to strife civilian settled areas in Pakistan’s restive Khyber-Pakhtunkhwa province.
This is the first move under a new strategic doctrine formulated by the security establishment to overwhelm Pakistan with proverbial Indian soft power. Mollycoddling India’s non state Bollywood actors by providing them with financial and logistical support to export their wares beyond the borders of India’s truculent Western neighbor and fermenting mental chaos at an unprecedented scale constitutes the cornerstone of this ambitious plan dubbed ‘killing with softness’, RAW’s riposte to ISI’s ‘death by a thousand cuts’.
Accordingly, Bollywood’s happening people – Ramu Gopal Verma, Karan Johar, Rohit Shetty, Goldie Behl along with the Khans, Kapoors, Kumars and the odd Shetty – have been wittingly or unwittingly recruited to aid in the new mission to hold the Pakistani military-jehadi complex’s feet to fire and impose punitive costs for its misadventures on Indian soil.
Chennai Express is only a prelude to the mayhem waiting to be unleashed. Ram Gopal Varma has already been given the green-signal to make Ram Gopal Varma ki ek aur aag, while Aditya Chopra is finalizing the script for Jab Tak Hai Jaan part II, a love quadrilateral starring Katrina, Sonam, Deepika, and the Bollywood Badshah, SRK. The coup de grace will be delivered by Goldie Behl in conjunction with Abhishek Bachchan via Gronaa, Drona’s scarier sequel. “India’s soft response to Pakistani sponsored acts of terror will be matching, calibrated, and lethal,” promised RAW chief, Ajay Doval, one of the brains behind the new security doctrine.
Islamabad has criticized the move, saying it will set back the sub-continent by decades, and urged India to roll back its Bollywood infrastructure. “We say this from experience: you are creating a Frankenstein’s monster that will hurt you as much as it will hurt us. Let us eschew mutually destructive policies and work towards peace and normalization,” was the plaintive appeal from Pakistan Foreign Secretary, Shahryar Khan.
However, New Delhi is no mood to relent. “We are confident of absorbing the collateral damage, if any, but if this policy can convert brainless Pakistani extremist youth into brainless Pakistani SRK chick flick movie fans, then it will be in India’s interests,” said a top ranking diplomat, on condition of anonymity.