Dawood Ibrahim attempts suicide after watching Once Upon a Time in Mumbai Again

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Notorious underworld don Dawood Ibrahim has reportedly jumped from his 10th floor penthouse in Clifton, a posh Karachi locality, and suffered serious injuries to his head, neck, and spine. Local authorities have ruled out any foul play and dubbed it as a failed suicide attempt, perhaps triggered by his having watched the recently released Bollywood flick, Once Upon a Time in Mumbai Dobara, purported to be loosely based on his life.

Dawood’s aide, Chota Shakeel, confirmed the news to The Unreal Times Karachi correspondent, Wajahat Habibullah. “Bhai has been ailing for some time ever since he saw RGV ki Aag,” he said over the phone. “Recently someone couriered a DVD of Ekta Kapoor’s Once Upon a Time in Mumbai Dobara. We had warned him not to see the movie but Bhai insisted on watching it, saying he makes it a point never to miss movies made on him. Midway through the movie, Bhai started complaining of uneasiness and after 2 hours he couldn’t take it any longer and jumped out of the window screaming ‘what is this crap’,” Shakeel informed us in a sad tone,

The ISI suspects that the movie may have been the handiwork of RAW, and suspect that Akshay Kumar may have been a RAW agent all this while. “Otherwise why does he keep getting offers despite all his movies bombing? This is part of a deep rooted RAW conspiracy to neutralize our assets using soft-power,” opined ISI chief, General Zaheer ul-Islam.

Khiladi Kumar welcomed the news of Dawood’s hospitalization, saying he now stands vindicated. “People keep asking why I continue to act in movies and remain dumbfounded when I tell them that for me acting has a larger purpose, to drive home a message,” Kumar said, flashing his toothy grin. Khiladi Kumar may now be conferred with the Dadasaheb Phalke award for yeoman services to the nation through his films, the highest honour a Bollywood personality can hope for.

Dawood’s possible demise could spell the end of movies loosely based on his life – one such movie releases at least once a year – and this has cast a pall of gloom over Bollywood. However, not all hope is lost. Ekta Kapoor has announced that she plans to make OUTIMDD (Once upon a time in Mumbai Dobara Dobara) which will show Khiladi Kumar jump out of a building in the climax scene after watching his own acting in OUTIMD. That may well push Dawood over the edge.


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