Confused Indian youth seek Octopus’ help to choose between supporting Israel and Palestine


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Rahul, a confused Indian youngster visited the Bangalore Aquarium this morning with a unique request – he wanted the residing Octopus to choose between Israel and Palestine in their ongoing conflict so that he can take side with one of the countries. ”All these days on Twitter it was easy, yaar,” Rahul told The UnReal Times. ”Between Congress and any other party, the choice was naturally any other party. But for the past few days, there has been major news about Israel and Palestine – everywhere, people have been discussing about it as if they’re all historians on the issue and I’ve honestly been feeling very dumb, lonely and left out.

I also want to jump on to the outrage bandwagon, but I really don’t know which side to outrage over it the way these JNU students do. Luckily, I happened to read about Octopuses predicting results of football matches and thus, helping people take sides. I’m gonna do the same thing today. Let the Octopus here choose a side and I’ll logon to Facebook and Twitter and go all guns blazing in favor of whatever side it chooses.”

Rahul’s friend Alia too declared that she would follow the same method, just that she would choose the side that the Octopus doesn’t. “See, we already know how chauvinistic our society is. Suppose Rahul talks passionately in favour of Israel and I too, do the same, people will think that I do not have a mind of my own and I am just blindly toeing Rahul’s line. So I’ve decided that if Rahul chooses Israel, I will choose Palestine and we both will try faking some arguments online. But if it snowballs beyond a point, then we may risk unintentionally exhibiting our absolute lack of knowledge on the issue. So after a point, we will end the argument with the golden line ‘Let’s agree to disagree’. Whatever, yaar! At least, we won’t feel lonely or dumb anymore,” Alia said.

Rahul and Alia have, however, found that they are not alone at all in being confused and undecided. “We realized that quite a sizable chunk of Indians on Twitter are actually undecided on the issue. They told us that they are waiting with bated breath for Sagarika Ghose to tweet her stand on the issue so that they can take the opposite stand. They said that her stand would be the clearest sign from God on which side to go against,” Rahul said.

Ashwin Kumar

About Ashwin Kumar

1 of the proud columnists of URT, former co-editor of URT Tamil, amateur musician, Real Harris Jayaraj devotee, UnReal T. Rajendar fanatic, passionate about stopping female foeticide.