UnReal Report: Day 1 of Obama’s visit: Indo-US bromance reaches new heights

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The D-day had come. President Obama was flying in. News anchors across media houses got up early, showered, put on their make up and drove to their offices. Reporters brushed up on their “Body Language for dummies” basics and occupied their respective vantage points. Bhakts, AAPtards, Libtards and various other groups that make up Twitter logged into their respective accounts.

Even Arvind Kejriwal took a break from AAP stuff, sat back on the sofa in his living room, looked left and right to see if anyone was watching, then pulled out a bucket of KFC popcorn chicken from behind the sofa, switched on the news and began munching away.

Cameras then moved to the Palam airport in Delhi, where journalists stood jostling with each other, save one notable exception – Indian security agencies had acceded to US request to keep Rajdeep Sardesai away from President Obama for security reasons. There was however, a certain group of individuals:

 

Then the big man landed. PM Modi in his colourful kurta strode towards the US President and enveloped him in a bear hug.

 

News anchors across the board went aww, as the two leaders bonded, before Secret Service agents, perhaps goaded by Michelle, urged Obama into his ride, the Beast.

 

Then came the magical moment that made every Delhiite’s jaw drop right through the floor.

 

By the time Obama reached Rashtrapati Bhavan, PM Modi had already changed into a dapper sherwani faster than a Bollywood actress in a song, and was waiting alongside President Pranab Mukherjee and various ministers from his cabinet. Obama waltzed in, received the 21 gun salute and the inter-service guard of honour led by Wing Commander Pooja Thakur, then walked straight towards Pranab Mukherjee.

 

The US premier then planted a sapling at Rajghat (How the hell is there still space in Rajghat after all the sapling planting by visiting leaders over the decades? Is some Monkeyman uprooting the saplings?) the two leaders moved to the Hyderabad House for lunch, and a casual stroll out in the lawns after that.

 

There was the odd disturbance during the bonhomie, but nothing Modi couldn’t handle.

 

Just when Siddharth Varadarajan and other Modi haters were frothing at the mouth to unleash the “All symbolism and no substance” punch lines they had memorised ad nauseum, the two leaders disappeared back into the Hyderabad House’s conference room for bilateral talks on the civil nuclear deal, investment, climate change and defense cooperation that included technology transfer and joint development of a variety of systems including drones.

 

Minutes ticked by, as the session extended to well beyond the allotted time period. The media waited restlessly in the media interaction room.

 

The leaders still wouldn’t come out…

 

The MEA spokesperson popped out briefly to give a status update to the waiting journos:

 

And then, the two charismatic premiers strode out and took their respective positions behind the podium for the joint statement. PM Modi went first, and in a masterful display of mugging, reeled off several pages of the Indian statement. President Obama followed, matching Modi word for word, and displaying his own mugging skills with a few crisp Hindi phrases.

 

It was then the turn of the journalists to ask the two leaders a question each. The American journalist, acting in typical fashion, completely ignored the event and asked Obama a question on Ukraine and Russia. The Indian journalist, again acting in typical fashion, asked Modi what was the secret behind his friendship with Obama.

Modi laid bare his heart. He revealed that he and Barack often ring each other up and talk shop, cracking jokes on Xi Jinping and Nawaz Sharif (Okay, he didn’t take those names). Obama said that they discovered in one of their late night calls that Modi actually gets fewer hours of sleep than him.

 

The bromance rose in a crescendo and culminated in another bear hug.

 

The two then formalized their relationship…

and walked away chattering with each other, oblivious to the clicking mediapersons.


Meanwhile in Islamabad…

(With inputs from Ajayendar Reddy)

UnReal Mama

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