Supreme Court orders Ravi Shastri to replace doctor with judge in “That’s what the doctor ordered”

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In a fresh twist in the ongoing tussle between Supreme Court and the BCCI, the honorable court has given a 1-day ultimatum to former cricketer Ravi Shastri to unconditionally modify all his commentary cliches according to fresh recommendations made by the Lodha committee. The first of these recommendations require Shastri to henceforth state “That’s what the judge ordered” instead of the traditional “That’s what the doctor ordered”.

“This is a reflection of the changing realities where the judiciary is gearing up to take over cricket administration,” said a court official privy to the proceedings. According to our sources, the court has recommended changes to as many as eight Shastri cliches. These are:

  • “That’s what the doctor ordered” to be replaced with ”That’s what the judge ordered” or “That’s what the Supreme Court ordered”
  • “That went like a tracer bullet” to be replaced with “That went like Salman Khan’s bail application”
  • “Edged and taken” to be replaced with “Appealed and given”
  • “That’s out of the park” to be replaced with “That’s out of the (court) complex”
  • “At the end of the day, cricket is the winner” to be replaced with “At the end of the day, justice prevailed”
  • “If you flash, flash hard” to be replaced with “If you appeal, appeal hard”
  • “The umpires have gone upstairs” to be replaced with “The umpires have filed a review petition”
  • “End of day’s play” will become “When play adjourned”

Phrases such as “Got out of jail” and “Bailed out of trouble” are to be used more often. The cliche “All three results are possible” however will stay the same.

The Court’s order has been welcomed by one and all. “Now these reforms we can certainly implement. The court’s order is in the interests of the cricketing fraternity and fans across the world who are sick of Shastri saying the same shit over and over again,” said BCCI chief Anurag Thakur.

Ramesh Soundararajan

About Ramesh Soundararajan

A Bangalore based corporate executive, who is passionate about all things passive: Watching sports, reading books and attending meetings; Need to figure out, why the first two do not earn as much money as the third.

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