The UnReal Times India's favorite satire, spoof, parody and humour portal - Politics, Cricket, Business, Governance, Technology, Foreign Affairs and more Mon, 22 Sep 2014 13:04:22 +0000 en-US hourly 1 COMIC: When Narendra Modi trolled Barack Obama Mon, 22 Sep 2014 12:15:30 +0000 Ajayendar Reddy Reports that Narendra Modi will be on a Navratri fast during almost his entire tour to the US has caused quite a storm on the social media. While some defended Modi’s decision to practice his faith, others have mocked his decision.
However things turned interesting when Obama announced that he will be throwing a lavish dinner for Modi. Here’s what happened next.

(Na khaunga na khane dunga = Neither will I eat, nor will I allow others to eat)

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Chinese troops enter Bigg Boss uninvited, refuse to be evicted Mon, 22 Sep 2014 03:47:41 +0000 UnReal Mama

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The contestants of Bigg Boss 8 had the shock of their lives when they discovered 35 Chinese troops camping in one of the bedrooms of the Bigg Boss house. It is believed that after entering the Chumar region of North East Ladakh, the PLA men then hitched a ride all the way to ND Studios, Karjat, where the well furnished two bedroom four bathroom Bigg Boss House is located. It is not clear whether the Chinese men intend to participate in Season 8 of Bigg Boss but Beijing has warned that any attempts to evict them by a public vote and the subsequent loss of face will not go down well with the Chinese public. The Chinese contingent leader, Dong Lee, has indicated that his boys are determined to try and stay till the final round and emerge winners. “We Chinese take these competitions very seriously. We will go for gold,” Lee said.

The Indian government has reacted cautiously to the latest round of incursions. “We are closely monitoring the situation. We assure you that the process initiated by Prime Minister Modi is being carefully followed and we are awaiting an outcome. We request the Chinese to respect the sanctity of the Line of Actual Control and maintain the status quo,” was the measured response of the External Affairs Ministry spokersperson, Syed Akbaruddin.

The Indian Bigg Boss contestants, especially Puneet Issar, have been strongly advised not to crack any off-colour ‘chinki’ jokes or drop references to Hakka noodles within the earshot of the PLA men, lest it trigger the second Indo-China war. “We’ve also requested the Bigg Boss contestants to limit their interactions with the Chinese troops to exchanging recipes for making Gobi Manchurian, and not get them involved in the Bigg Boss politics of bitching and backstabbing,” an Indian official monitoring the situation said.

Former Union Minister Ajit Singh also tried to enter the Bigg Boss house but was chased away by the security, enabling the Bigg Boss producers to breathe a sigh of relief. “It’s tough enough that we have uninvited Chinese troops but at least they will only stay for season 8. But Ajit Singh would have ensconced himself for at least 10 seasons,” a relieved Salman Khan said.

(Based on a theme by Ashwin)

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COMIC: Modi, a telephone call and a jealous friend Mon, 22 Sep 2014 02:43:21 +0000 Ajayendar Reddy Narendra Modi was on an important telephone call late in the night when something unexpected happened. Here’s the story:






Check out PM Modi’s tweets on his friend’s birthday – 1, 2, 3

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China blasts Pakistan after Bilawal Bhutto says will reclaim every inch of Kashmir Sun, 21 Sep 2014 11:27:00 +0000 UnReal Mama

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The Pakistani establishment, which was initially pleased with Bilawal’s statement of taking every inch of Kashmir, now finds itself in the throes of panic. That is because Bilawal has managed to ruffle feathers not just New Delhi but Beijing as well.

Initially, the Chinese foreign ministry spokesperson Hong Lei reacted nonchalantly when his attention was drawn to Bilawal’s remarks, saying, “China wishes that India and Pakistan settle all matters, especially Kashmir, peacefully.”  But he turned apoplectic with rage after it was pointed out that Bilawal probably wants to take back all parts of Kashmir including those ceded by Pakistan to China as well as Aksai Chin, the portion seized from India during the 62 war.

Within hours, official news agency Xinhua issued this veiled threat: “China thought Pakistan was its all weather friend but when Master Bilawal makes statements about taking back parts of CoK (China occupied Kashmir), China may be forced to dub Pakistan its all weather enemy.”

A nervous Islamabad has dispatched both the Pakistani army chief and Hafiz Saeed to Beijing to apologize and calm tempers. “Our obsession with Kashmir is only confined to parts occupied by India. In fact, after reclaiming Indian held Kashmir, we’ll be more than happy to gift some of it to China. Young Bilawal, in the heat of the moment, forgot to add ‘Indian held’, and you know how hyper sensitive our Chinese friends are about these matters,” a tense General Raheel Sharif noted, en route to Beijing.

Bilawal Bhutto has also been asked to take training from Hafiz Saeed in using more precise terminology when making speeches about reclaiming Kashmir from India.

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Facebook Wall: Reactions to Bilawal Bhutto’s “I will take back every inch of Kashmir” statement Sun, 21 Sep 2014 04:54:51 +0000 Ajayendar Reddy Pakistan’s Pappu, Bilawal Bhutto, in a speech to party workers in Multan, declared that he will “take back every inch of Kashmir from India”. Bilawal’s comment promptly made news, and reactions poured on social media platform, Facebook. The UnReal Times Facebook correspondent Mark Zuckerpandian, as usual, was ready to grab snapshots:

References: Karan Thapar’s garden path

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COMIC: How Modi govt responded to Bilawal Bhutto’s statement Sat, 20 Sep 2014 13:26:05 +0000 UnReal Mama Bilawal Bhutto Zardari has said that his party, the Pakistan People’s Party (PPP), will take back every inch of Kashmir from India, in an address to party workers in Multan. While the official reaction of the Modi government was to brush off this provocative statement as irrelevant and removed from reality, behind the scenes, a chafed Prime Minister Modi decided to hit back with the deadliest weapon in India’s arsenal…









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Facebook Wall: Reactions to Modi’s “Muslims will die for India” comment to Fareed Zakaria Sat, 20 Sep 2014 09:02:28 +0000 Ajayendar Reddy Speaking to American journalist Fareed Zakaria in his first interview after he became the Prime Minister of India, Narendra Modi touched upon several topics such as the Indo-US relationship, Al-Qaeda’s recent threat etc. Specifically, Modi said that the patriotism of Indian Muslims cannot be questioned and that Muslims will live and die for India. Needless to say, leaders took to Facebook to comment where our correspondent Mark Zuckerpandian was quick to grab a screenshot:

Context for Ashutosh set: [Link]

(With inputs from Unreal Mama)

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Scotland’s pro-independence leaders rope in Telangana CM KCR to spearhead secessionist movement Sat, 20 Sep 2014 05:23:36 +0000 UnReal Mama Scotland’s pro-independence movement that suffered a setback after a majority of the Scots voted ‘No’ in the Scottish independence referendum on Friday, received a major boost today when Telangana CM K Chandrashekar Rao threw in his lot with the separatists.

“After the disappointment of the referendum, this is just what our movement needed,” exclaimed Alex Salmond. “KCR sir has told us that the referendum is merely the start of a long hard struggle to create a separate state. We’ll now move on to more important measures such as going on a hunger strike for 25 days, and driving out non-Scots from Scotland.”

Later, KCR himself got into the act, lambasting Westminister and the British media for attempting to denigrate Scottish culture. Sporting a traditional Scottish kilt, KCR hollered, “I am ready to bear any personal insult. But I will not tolerate if anyone shows Scotland and its culture in poor light. If anyone dares to do so, I’ll bury them 10 km deep in the ground,” and wagged his forefinger at a group of cowering British journalists.

Meanwhile, the Unionists have reacted quickly to the developments. “Once bitten twice shy. We are taking this very seriously this time. The guy calls himself Hitler, for God’s sake!” said an official from the Prime Minister’s Office. “So yeah, we are seeking external help as well. He’ll be flying in later today. You’ll see,” the official added with a twinkle in his eye.

Hours later, a grinning Rahul Gandhi stepped out of a private jet that pulled into Glasgow airport, waved enthusiastically at a gaggle of Scottish onlookers and cried, “Scotland mein whisky kaun laya!

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COMIC: When Rahul Gandhi met Xi Jinping Fri, 19 Sep 2014 13:45:29 +0000 Ajayendar Reddy The most important event of Chinese President Xi Jinping’s trip to India took place this morning when he shook hands with Congress Vice President, Rahul Gandhi. As ever, Rahul baba left a lasting impression on Xi.

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Read the report on the DD news anchor who was fired after calling Xi Jinping ‘Eleven Jinping’. 

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COMIC: How Modi govt got Ajit Singh to vacate his official residence Fri, 19 Sep 2014 06:45:57 +0000 UnReal Mama Despite several notices and ample amount of time, RLD chief Ajit Singh has refused to vacate the Lutyens bungalow he was allotted during his term has an MP before the 2014 Lok Sabha elections. After various unsuccessful attempts to evict him, Union Minister for Urban Development, Venkaiah Naidu, finally hit upon a winning idea.







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(Based on an idea by Ashwin Kumar)

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