The UnReal Times http://www.theunrealtimes.com India's favorite satire, spoof, parody and humour portal - Politics, Cricket, Business, Governance, Technology, Foreign Affairs and more Mon, 20 Apr 2015 14:58:29 +0000 en-US hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.4.2 COMIC: REVEALED: How Xi Jinping and Nawaz Sharif coined the name RANDI for their think-tankhttp://www.theunrealtimes.com/2015/04/20/comic-revealed-how-xi-jinping-and-nawaz-sharif-coined-the-name-randi-for-their-think-tank/ http://www.theunrealtimes.com/2015/04/20/comic-revealed-how-xi-jinping-and-nawaz-sharif-coined-the-name-randi-for-their-think-tank/#comments Mon, 20 Apr 2015 14:18:43 +0000 UnReal Mama http://www.theunrealtimes.com/?p=38336 Pakistan and China got together and formed a new think tank called the ‘Research And Development International’, short form… wait for it… RANDI. Yeah, you read that right. Our correspondent Atul Baskarbe decided to investigate on how they came about this name. Here’s the scoop:

 

 

 

 

 

 

(Image thumbnail sources: 1, 2a, 2b, 3a, 3b, 4a, 4b, 5a, 5b, 6a, 6b, 7)

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Facebook Wall: Sparring over Land Bill spills over to social mediahttp://www.theunrealtimes.com/2015/04/20/facebook-wall-sparring-over-land-bill-spills-over-to-social-media/ http://www.theunrealtimes.com/2015/04/20/facebook-wall-sparring-over-land-bill-spills-over-to-social-media/#comments Mon, 20 Apr 2015 06:59:24 +0000 Ashwin Kumar http://www.theunrealtimes.com/?p=38331 The Narendra Modi government’s Land Bill has been the subject of much debate, with the Congress party and other opposition parties vehemently terming it “anti-farmer” while the ruling party insists that it is otherwise. It wasn’t long before the sparring spilled over to social media too. The UnReal Times correspondent Mark Zuckerpandian brings you exclusive snapshots:

(With inputs from UnReal Mama)

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Arun Jaitley to appear on NDTV to clear the air on outrage over his appearances on NDTVhttp://www.theunrealtimes.com/2015/04/20/arun-jaitley-to-appear-on-ndtv-to-clear-the-air-on-outrage-over-his-appearances-on-ndtv/ http://www.theunrealtimes.com/2015/04/20/arun-jaitley-to-appear-on-ndtv-to-clear-the-air-on-outrage-over-his-appearances-on-ndtv/#comments Mon, 20 Apr 2015 02:19:23 +0000 Ashwin Kumar http://www.theunrealtimes.com/?p=38327

(Image via ndtv.com)

Union Finance Minister Arun Jaitley, who also happens to be the Information and Broadcasting Minister, announced that he will soon be appearing in an exclusive interview on NDTV, with Barkha Dutt, to clear the air on the recent right-wing outrage over his appearances on the very same channel.

“Over the past 48 hours, the right wing on Twitter has allocated 100 crore gaalis and abuses to me,” the Finance Minister told The UnReal Times correspondent Rajniti Sarkarwala, after the latter posed as a reporter from NDTV. “There appears to be a majestic misinterpretation of my frequent appearances on NDTV in isolation. A few small interviews on NDTV can’t and shouldn’t be responsible for my image being tarnished. I felt it important to make a clarification on that and to do the same, I will soon be appearing with Barkha Dutt in another exclusive interview.” Jaitley said.

When asked whether the outraging right-wingers would watch his interview, an upbeat Jaitley said, “Of course they will. I expect them to trend a hashtag in my name any moment now, given that this news has broken out. Until the interview happens, it’s publicity galore, thanks to these chaps. And I’m sure that at least to hurl gaalis at me, they will surely watch the interview.”

When asked whether the I&B ministry would take any action against NDTV for misreporting of the recent church attacks among other things, a firm Jaitley said, “Of course! I will tell them, in the strongest and toughest terms, that they should consider following stories up with the truth each time they misreport.”

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UnReal Toon: Akbar, the Great MEA Spokespersonhttp://www.theunrealtimes.com/2015/04/19/unreal-toon-akbar-the-great-mea-spokesperson/ http://www.theunrealtimes.com/2015/04/19/unreal-toon-akbar-the-great-mea-spokesperson/#comments Sun, 19 Apr 2015 03:50:28 +0000 Sagar Kumar http://www.theunrealtimes.com/?p=38321 An era came to an end on Saturday, when MEA spokesperson, Syed Akbaruddin, bid adieu to his post, leaving behind a pair of giant sized shoes for his successor to step in. We will miss the genial bureaucrat, and wish him the best of luck for his next assignment.

(Based on an idea by Ajayendar Reddy)

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After removing “Om” from Yoga, Modi govt to remove “Veda” from “Ayurveda”http://www.theunrealtimes.com/2015/04/19/after-removing-om-from-yoga-modi-govt-to-remove-veda-from-ayurveda/ http://www.theunrealtimes.com/2015/04/19/after-removing-om-from-yoga-modi-govt-to-remove-veda-from-ayurveda/#comments Sun, 19 Apr 2015 03:29:19 +0000 Ashwin Kumar http://www.theunrealtimes.com/?p=38314

(Image via rightsuccessbusiness.in)

Following up their controversial move to remove “Om” from the practice of Yoga, so as to not give it a religious overtone, the Narendra Modi government has decided to similarly remove the word “Veda” from the practice of Ayurveda. A new name will be given to the practice when the government decides to market it to the international community. While there has been no official statement on the name, sources say that it could most likely be “Ayurology.”

“Any linkage with religion might undermine this humongous medical effort,” an official from department of AYUSH told The UnReal Times. “So in order to make sure that this doesn’t have any religious overtone to it, we’ve decided to remove the word ‘veda’ from Ayurveda. It can be either Ayurology or Ayurgraphy or Ayurical science. We plan to extend the religious de-linking further, to other aspects of Hinduism as well – for example, we will remove Kashi from Kashiyatra, Utsav from Mahotsav, Hindus from Hindustan, Shiva from Shivaratri and so on,” the official added.

The official also added that AYUSH has received a proposal from the Finance Ministry too, in support of the decision. “In future, anyone who chants OM while doing yoga, has to mention the number of times they’ve done so, while filing their IT returns. Every utterance of OM will attract a hefty tax. Similarly, any reference to veda while utilizing ancient Hindu medical science will attract another tax, that has to be mentioned at the time of filing IT returns. All these activities will be monitored closely and any evasion will be dealt with severely,” a circular from the Finance Ministry reportedly read.

Finance Minister Arun Jaitley, has however, rubbished such reports and has stated that he will give a detailed clarification regarding the same, in an exclusive interview on NDTV with Barkha Dutt.

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Govt now asks taxpayers to attach a kidney, a lung and one litre of blood with IT Returnshttp://www.theunrealtimes.com/2015/04/18/govt-now-asks-taxpayers-to-attach-a-kidney-a-lung-and-one-litre-of-blood-with-it-returns/ http://www.theunrealtimes.com/2015/04/18/govt-now-asks-taxpayers-to-attach-a-kidney-a-lung-and-one-litre-of-blood-with-it-returns/#comments Sat, 18 Apr 2015 08:29:22 +0000 Ajayendar Reddy http://www.theunrealtimes.com/?p=38305

(Image via pearlsofprofundity.wordpress.com)

In a visionary move to tackle something or the other that they are yet to figure out, the Central Government has notified new rules asking taxpayers to attach a kidney, a lung and one litre of blood along with their IT Returns. This move comes after government asked taxpayers to disclose details of all their bank accounts and foreign travel to the Income Tax department from the new financial year.

The Central Board of Direct Taxes, the apex policy making body of the Income Tax department, has notified new Income Tax Return (ITR) forms for the current assessment year as part of obtaining new information to curb certain menaces that will be notified later. “This information will help the government curb organ trade,” said a babu. “Wait, I think it’s gonna help us make recoveries from defaulters,” he added after a pause. “It’s one of the two… we’ll confirm soon.”

The government is also mulling over whether they should depute a sarkari babu to accompany every person who is travelling abroad, in a bid to keep an eye on the expenses and curb the menace of black money. “I know that we have asked taxpayers to file expenses on foreign travels in their IT returns. But how do we know they are not lying? That’s why we thought we could have one sarkari babu travel along with those travelling abroad. Obviously, the traveler will have to pay all the expenses of the accompanying babu,” said a senior officer on the condition of anonymity.

Sources in the Finance Ministry suggested that this job of accompanying travelers may be outsourced in order to avoid creating a huge government machinery. Leak of this news immediately caused a huge burst of excitement in the Indian IT Industry and sent Infosys, TCS and Cognizant’s stocks soaring.

“Like every employee in the IT industry, I have always dreamed of an onsite position. I hope Infosys gets this contract and I finally realize my dream of traveling abroad. This will also vastly improve my chances of getting married to a nice girl,” said an Infosys employee who’s been waiting for three years for a chance to work onsite.

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In Tweets: Indian celebs answer Cheryl’s birthday math problemhttp://www.theunrealtimes.com/2015/04/18/in-tweets-indian-celebs-answer-cheryls-birthday-math-problem/ http://www.theunrealtimes.com/2015/04/18/in-tweets-indian-celebs-answer-cheryls-birthday-math-problem/#comments Sat, 18 Apr 2015 04:14:04 +0000 Ashwin Kumar http://www.theunrealtimes.com/?p=38279 What happened when our celebrities decided to take a shot at the math problem that has gone viral on social media? Here’s a compilation:

First, the problem:

 

Then the solutions:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

(via Hariharan Y)

 

(via Murphy)

 

(via Nishant Verma)

 

(via Observer India)

 

(via Nishant Verma)

 

 

(via Aravind)

 

(via Santosh)

 

(via Akhil)

 

(via Aparna Raj)

 

(via Sughosh)

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Facebook Wall: Reactions to Rahul Gandhi’s return from his 57-day sabbaticalhttp://www.theunrealtimes.com/2015/04/17/facebook-wall-reactions-to-rahul-gandhis-return-from-his-57-day-sabbatical/ http://www.theunrealtimes.com/2015/04/17/facebook-wall-reactions-to-rahul-gandhis-return-from-his-57-day-sabbatical/#comments Fri, 17 Apr 2015 10:52:20 +0000 UnReal Mama http://www.theunrealtimes.com/?p=38267 Rahul Gandhi returned a hero, victorious after weeks of mind-bending introspection in Bangkok, to the welcoming arms of his adoring mother and party workers. Our correspondent Mark Zuckerpandian brings you some reactions of leaders across party lines to Rahul Gandhi’s arrival:

(With inputs from Ashwin Kumar, Anand Walunjkar)

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The New York Times responds to Obama’s write-up on Modi in TIME’s 100 most influential persons listhttp://www.theunrealtimes.com/2015/04/17/new-york-times-responds-to-obamas-write-up-about-pm-modi-in-time-100-most-influential-persons-list/ http://www.theunrealtimes.com/2015/04/17/new-york-times-responds-to-obamas-write-up-about-pm-modi-in-time-100-most-influential-persons-list/#comments Fri, 17 Apr 2015 04:53:31 +0000 Ashwin Kumar http://www.theunrealtimes.com/?p=38259

(Image via intoday.in)

Not one to take things lying down after US President Obama lavished praise on Prime Minister Narendra Modi in an exclusive write-up for the TIME magazine’s 100 most influential people list, the New York Times hit right back with its own editorial on the issue. The UnReal Times brings you an exclusive draft of the editorial, due to be published soon on NYT:

India’s deformer-in-chief

As a young boy, born in a Hindu family, Narendra Modi helped his father sell tea to support just their Hindu family and not a Muslim or Christian family too, as one would’ve loved to hear. Today, he’s the leader of the world’s largest Hindu democracy, and his life story—from poverty to the Prime Minister—reflects the deep-rooted affinity and preference of Hindu majoritarian India towards the dictatorial Hindu male.

Determined to help more Hindus follow in his spine-chilling path, he’s laid out an ambitious vision to reduce pluralism, improve communalism, empower Hindu militancy and unleash Hinduism’s true fascist, dictatorial potential while confronting secular change. Like Hindus, he transcends the ancient and the modern—a typical devotee of Hindu yoga who brainwashes Indian citizens on Twitter and imagines a “Hindu India.”

When he recently went to Vancouver, Narendra quite predictably visited a Hindu temple, totally ignoring mosques and churches as expected. We at NYT reflect on the teachings of King and Gandhi and how the diversity of backgrounds and faiths in our countries is a strength we have to protect. But Prime Minister Modi believes in millions of Hindus living and succeeding together, which is an alarmingly, critically dangerous model for the world.

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Doctors preemptively attack unruly mob plotting to create ruckus in hospitalhttp://www.theunrealtimes.com/2015/04/17/doctors-preemptively-attack-unruly-mob-plotting-to-create-ruckus-in-hospital/ http://www.theunrealtimes.com/2015/04/17/doctors-preemptively-attack-unruly-mob-plotting-to-create-ruckus-in-hospital/#comments Fri, 17 Apr 2015 03:03:28 +0000 MedWarrior http://www.theunrealtimes.com/?p=38255 In a shocking turn of events, a group of doctors attacked the relatives of a terminally ill ventilated case admitted in the ICU of Kubera Medical Business Hospital in the city earlier today.

“I find it difficult to accept what just happened,” said a burly looking but dazed relative. “Initially we were heatedly arguing with each other over who should inherit his fortune, even as we waited for the good news. But it turned out that he was living in debt. When we saw his bill, the argument turned into who should foot it. A bright youngster gave us this idea that ransacking the hospital and getting cash out of them was the latest, safest and lucrative in-thing across the country these days. We were just forming our group to rip the place apart and identifying the doctors to assault, when all of a sudden, a group of 30-50 burly looking doctors launched an assault on us in the waiting area and accused us of negligence in caring for our dear great-great-grandpa at home.”

This reporter managed to access one of the ‘striking’ doctors. On condition of anonymity, he said: “We’d been telling this 98 year old patient to quit alcohol and smoking and that he would die otherwise. But he instead took the advice of local political leader and refused to quit. Even the more educated family members didn’t bother to encourage the patient to quit drinking and smoking. Word leaked out that they are planning to strike us, so we acted preemptively.”

The Director of the Institute, Mr Famish Insan, has issued a press release stating: “We have got reports that some people dressed like doctors had created some commotion. We are looking into it.”

The assaulted party, however, is not keen on taking matters to the police. “This is too bad,” says Dhakkan Sink, a wannabe assaulter-turned-assaulted. “These doctors know the human anatomy well and they hit in places where the pain is the worst, but there’s no evidence of injury. Who will believe us? In fact, if they recover the arms we had stashed for our attack, we will be in deeper trouble,” he wailed.

Empathizing with the victims, an hospital official said, “I feel for them. Ever since the medical mafia officials went on a spree of recognising medical colleges owned by corrupt goons and political patrons with a social outlook, there is an increasing number of burly dimwits holding a medical degree. Typically they are insecure bullies from well-connected families simply desiring a “Dr” tag at the end of their names. We have employed several of them. These poorly paid doctors supplement their meager income by working as on-call “consultant strikers” to tackle any ruckus-like scenario and ensure smooth running of the hospital, well being of other patients as well as medical staff.”

Meanwhile, the Medical Organisation for Re-Organisation of Nothings (MORONS) Council, the apex medical goof-up body in the country, is tight-lipped about the recent trends and has issued stern warnings to doctors, however helpless they may be, against swearing at the MORONS Council in frustration over the state of medical affairs.

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