The UnReal Times http://www.theunrealtimes.com India's favorite satire, spoof, parody and humour portal - Politics, Cricket, Business, Governance, Technology, Foreign Affairs and more Tue, 31 May 2016 02:42:52 +0000 en-US hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.4.2 Facebook Wall: Reactions to outrage over comedian Tanmay Bhat’s controversial Snapchat videohttp://www.theunrealtimes.com/2016/05/31/facebook-wall-reactions-to-outrage-over-comedian-tanmay-bhats-distasteful-snapchat-video/ http://www.theunrealtimes.com/2016/05/31/facebook-wall-reactions-to-outrage-over-comedian-tanmay-bhats-distasteful-snapchat-video/#comments Tue, 31 May 2016 02:36:28 +0000 Ashwin Kumar http://www.theunrealtimes.com/?p=45077 When every media organization in the country has covered Tanmay Bhat’s snapchat video featuring Lata Mangeshkar and Sachin Tendulkar, can the nation’s finest news source (we mean The UnReal Times, not Arnab) be left behind? Our star correspondent Mark Zuckerpandian brings you his scoop:

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Snapchat crashes after comedian Tanmay Bhat tries to do insulting video on Superstar Rajinikanthhttp://www.theunrealtimes.com/2016/05/31/snapchat-crashes-after-comedian-tanmay-bhat-tries-to-do-insulting-video-on-superstar-rajinikanth/ http://www.theunrealtimes.com/2016/05/31/snapchat-crashes-after-comedian-tanmay-bhat-tries-to-do-insulting-video-on-superstar-rajinikanth/#comments Tue, 31 May 2016 02:05:15 +0000 Ashwin Kumar http://www.theunrealtimes.com/?p=45073

(Image via intoday.in)

AIB comedian and co-founder Tanmay Bhat, who hogged the headlines recently for making a Snapchat video mocking Bharat Ratna awardees and Indian legends Lata Mangeshkar and Sachin Tendulkar, was in for a rude shock after he tried to repeat his act with Superstar Rajinikanth. The imaging application momentarily crashed and it took a few minutes before things were restored to normal.

“Our apologies to the Snapchat community for today’s outage: This morning, at around 4.20 AM Pacific Time, in an absolutely mysterious incident which we weren’t able to crack, all our servers went kaput. In other words, Snapchat was temporarily unavailable throughout the world for a brief period. At precisely 4.24.20 AM, one of our servers came back online and we were fully operational within an hour. Though it’s still not clear what the exact technical cause is, the last recorded activity happened to be that of one Tanmay Bhat from India where he tried to insult the hell out of some chap called Rajin …something. His video stopped exactly at the in sound, which means he couldn’t complete the name fully. On questioning him, we found that the person he tried to insult was none other than our very own Thalaivar! No wonder!” Snapchat CEO Evan Spiegel told The UnReal Times.

Spiegel added that Snapchat has sent a stern warning to Tanmay not to repeat his mistake. “Should he choose to ignore the warning, we will terminate his account with immediate effect,” Spiegel added, “Let him insult anyone, even the Pope (though he won’t, that’s a different story), but yeah, Thalaivar is, without a doubt, off limits.” Spiegel’s announcement won huge praise from the Indian mainstream media, who termed Snapchat’s decision historic.

On the internet, Newslaundry co-founder Abhinandan Sekhri too, slammed Tanmay for his attempt. “It’s a well known fact that I’m an absolutist when it comes to freedom of speech and expression, but even in my world, Thalaivar cannot be touched, babye! Kabali da!” the half-Tamil journalist thundered, before being affectionately fed half a kilogram of Mysore Pak from his colleague and All India Mysore Pak Kazhagam (AIMPK) co-founder, Anand Ranganathan, who smiled, “Magizhchi.”

The comedian also received another major blow from movie critic Taran Adarsh, who, for the first time, broke the shackles of convention and awarded his latest snapchat attempt a shocking 0.5. “For this sacrilegious and blasphemous effort to mock Thalaivar, I give just 0.5. This isn’t even worth my 4.5. Yaak Thoo!” Adarsh tweeted.

However, Tanmay soon had reason to cheer, when former cricketer Yograj Singh turned up at his doorstep, requesting him to do a no-holds-barred insulting video on Indian captain MS Dhoni. Yograj has assured the comedy giant full support in this endeavor.

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MNS workers try to beat up comedian Tanmay Bhat, get thrashed black and blue insteadhttp://www.theunrealtimes.com/2016/05/30/mns-workers-try-to-beat-up-tanmay-bhat-get-thrashed-black-and-blue-instead/ http://www.theunrealtimes.com/2016/05/30/mns-workers-try-to-beat-up-tanmay-bhat-get-thrashed-black-and-blue-instead/#comments Mon, 30 May 2016 16:20:02 +0000 UnReal Mama http://www.theunrealtimes.com/?p=45066

(Image via indiatvnews.com)

Incensed by comedian Tanmay Bhat’s distasteful video (which we haven’t seen yet but know from random articles and tweets that it’s in poor taste), workers from Raj Thackeray’ Maharashtra Navnirman Sena (MNS) stormed the AIB founder’s apartment, presumably to beat him to a pulp. However, a minute later, they rushed out of the apartment, battered, bruised and terrified, and took to their heels screaming at the top of their voices.

“Hulk! There is a Hulk! Bhago!!!!” yelled one MNS worker, as he fled for his life.

Later, a visibly embarrassed MNS chief spoke to The UnReal Times about the incident. “These guys have gotten soft beating up toll booth workers. I really need to hire better goons,” mumbled Raj Thackeray.

Meanwhile, more politicians jumped the bash-Tanmay bandwagon, and took to taking on the AIB star in their own style depending on their party affiliations. Accordingly, Tanmay was asked to apologize, Tanmay was threatened with a lawsuit, Tanmay was threatened with dire physical harm, Tanmay was asked to go to Pakistan, and so on and so forth.

The only politician who came to Tanmay’s support was Union Minister Nitin Gadkari. “Tanmay is being targeted because he’s fat,” he said, even as he reached for a plate of samosas.

Later, fed up with hiding in his apartment from all the outragers, Tanmay Bhat decided to get back at them by taking inspiration from Daenerys Targaryen. Accordingly he invited every major celebrity who outraged against his snapchat masterpiece to his home and proceeded to roast them alive, pretty much like the mother of dragons burnt the Khals, only a little bit more metaphorical. Unfortunately for everyone, Tanmay took the imitation one step too far, and followed up the act by strutting to his door buck-naked and throwing a stare full of attitude at people on the street.

Post Script: By the way, if you felt that this article was unfunny and distasteful, and took things a bit too far, rest assured in the knowledge that we, at The UnReal Times, too want to push the frontiers of Freedom of Speech like our more illustrious friends at AIB.

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Gujarat Files: Rajdeep, Barkha and others help Rana Ayyub launch her bookhttp://www.theunrealtimes.com/2016/05/30/gujarat-files-rajdeep-barkha-and-others-help-rana-ayyub-launch-her-book/ http://www.theunrealtimes.com/2016/05/30/gujarat-files-rajdeep-barkha-and-others-help-rana-ayyub-launch-her-book/#comments Mon, 30 May 2016 02:22:21 +0000 Hariharan Iyer http://www.theunrealtimes.com/?p=45062

(Image via Twitter)

Much to the chagrin of Bhakts and Sanghi trolls, Rana Ayyub’s Gujarat PFiles has become the #2 Best Seller in Amazon. Rana changed her identity to that of a filmmaker from USA, wore colourful bandana and chunky jewellery, straightened her hair, ate Gujarati thali with Mike, her assistant from France in Pakvan, and watched the shooting of a movie by the Kanodias. Instead of appreciating these ‘grave risks’ she took as an investigative journalist, the Sanghis undermine the phenomenal success of the book by alleging that it is available for ‘free reading’. They giggle at the fact that Rana’s editors at Tehelka—Tarun Tejpal and Shoma Choudhury—found her story garbled. Unable to accept the resounding success of a fine piece of literature, some trolls still crib about Rana’s ‘poor’ English.

What the naysayers do not understand is that such a remarkable feat does not come by so easily. It requires a lot of planning, strategising and day-to-day reviewing. Let me give you the gist of the discussions during a recent review session.

Rana: Thanks guys for all the help…

Sagarika Ghose: You know what? I should thank you.

Rana: Me? Why?

Sagarika: After all, you gave me the idea… I thought a book meant good, original material. What an idiot I was? Following your example, I can now publish as a book all my pieces TOI editor has rejected.

Rajdeep: Mujh par daya karo Sagarika …I find it difficult to promote your published blogs. People laugh at me. How do you expect me to promote the voluminous rejected material…

Sagarika: Come on Rajdeep, it is not that voluminous. I’ve accumulated just 5 terabytes in the last two years with TOI.

Barkha (talks to Rana): I’m glad I had only 782 troll reviews at the end of two days. You have more than 1,000…

Rana: Hain?

Barkha: Never mind. Why don’t you invite some celebrities for the launch?

Rana: But the launch is over.

Barkha: Over? Ha ha ha…ask Rajdeep, he’ll tell you that a book can be launched 3732947239472332473294239723437295 times

Rajdeep: This is not fair Barkha…(turning to Rana) you can of course invite Arun Jaitley for the launch.

Rana: Jaitley? You think he’ll oblige?

Barkha: Generally he obliges all BJP haters. So he will accept your request.

Rajdeep: I’ve another idea to make Jaitley accept your invitation. Issue a statement or tweet something against Subramanian Swamy and he’ll oblige.

Rana: Swamy? But I don’t know anything about…

Rana’s cell phone rings. She attends the call.

The caller: Ms Ayyub, this Arun Jaitley. I heard you are planning to tweet against Swamy. Don’t worry; I’ll release your book at the next launch.

Barkha: Chidambaram also is unemployed. Bechara, he is looking for someone to invite him for some function…

Rana (complains): I called him, he didn’t take my call…

Barkha: Poor thing…he must have thought some ED guy was calling.

Rana: Should I wear bandana for the launch…

Sagarika: My suggestion is for another couple of years you don’t wear bandana.

Barkha: I read a review of your book. The guys says that your tapes talk only of 2002 riots…there was no mention of Sohrabuddin…

Rana: Is it? I don’t know what the tapes contain. I wanted someone to go through them and tell me. That is why I wrote the book. Good this guy has found out.

Sagarika: What do you have to say about the grammatical errors and spelling errors in your book? I can’t stand them. After all, they define the anatomy of an Internet Hindu.

Rana: That is a Sanghi conspiracy. I changed my identity to that of a British actor and did a sting on Oxford dictionary guys. The results were shocking. Just to prove me wrong, under Modi’s instructions, they have changed the spelling of many words after I released the book…you’ll be surprised they have changed the grammar also…

Ashish Khetan: That’s a fantastic piece of investigative journalism, but I won’t be able to help you publish it.

Arvind Kejriwal: Wow! Oxford dictionary takes instructions from Modi whose qualification is under doubt! I will tweet immediately.

Aranb Goswami: Do you still doubt Modi’s degree?

Arvind: Well, I won’t answer anyone who earns Rs. 5 cr salary.

Rana: Arvind ji, you know what? I’ve a sting on Arnab…

A voice from the background:  Rana Ayyub…Bigg Boss chaate hai ki agle season me aap contestant baneaap ka ye pagalpan aapo famous bana sakta hi! (Bigg boss wants you join the next season. Your crazy behaviour can make you famous!)

Rana (pleasantly surprised): Thank you Bigg Boss…

Sagarika: What about your book?

Rana: To hell with the book. It was actually my audition for Bigg Boss 10.

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In Pictures: Bajrangi Bhaijaan Part IIhttp://www.theunrealtimes.com/2016/05/29/in-pictures-bajrangi-bhaijaan-part-ii/ http://www.theunrealtimes.com/2016/05/29/in-pictures-bajrangi-bhaijaan-part-ii/#comments Sun, 29 May 2016 04:31:18 +0000 Hariharan Iyer http://www.theunrealtimes.com/?p=45035 Buoyed by the success of Bajrangi Bhaijaan, film-maker Kabir Khan has reportedly approached Bollywood star Salman Khan with a plot for a sequel. Our investigative correspondent Atul Baskarbe who moonlights as a photographer brings you the inside scoop:

 

 

 

Kya musibat hai = What a pain

 

 

 

Kuch samajh nahi aa raha = I don’t understand anything

 

 

 

 

 

 

(Image sources: 1, 2, 3a, 3b, 4a, 4b, 5, 6a, 6c, 7a, 7b, 8a, 8b, 9a, 9b, 10a, 10b, 10c, 11a, 11b, 12a, 13a, 13b)

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Thunder Down Underhttp://www.theunrealtimes.com/2016/05/28/thunder-down-under/ http://www.theunrealtimes.com/2016/05/28/thunder-down-under/#comments Sat, 28 May 2016 03:15:40 +0000 K Balakumar http://www.theunrealtimes.com/?p=45029 I hope the critics who constantly carp that this column does not take up matters of serious substance will be happy with the choice of subject this week: Men’s underwear.

That it is an important topic that I should write about became apparent to me when a shop assistant in a dress mart that I had gone to buy a pair of pants recently sidled up to me, and without any preamble, said that there have been plenty of new arrivals this season and the highlight has been the “checked ones in bright attractive colours”.

“Checked ones? I didn’t see any,” I replied casually even though my curiosity was piqued that checked pants for men were now available at normal consumer level. Otherwise I have seen only golfers wear them. And that is the toughest part of their sport.

“Have you not put them on the shelves?” I asked.

“It is there only. Did you look in the underwear section?” the shop assistant said.

“In the undergarments section? But why there?” I understand that checked pants are not something that one can be proud of or would want to flaunt on a shop showcase. But putting them in the underwear section was carrying abashment to a whole new level.

“But where do you expect us to put the undergarments, in the footwear section?” the shop assistant said sharply.

“Undergarments? You are talking about them? And they come in checked patterns now? In bright fluorescent colours?” I involuntarily smacked my forehead not because I had misunderstood the whole thing all along but because of the thought that shopkeepers are now accosting unwary customers and hard-selling undies to them.

I belong to a generation that bought its innerwear with a furtive carefulness not seen anywhere outside of drug-peddling.  When we went to pick up undies we wouldn’t even make eye contact with the shopkeeper. Neither would he. It was as if we were buying stuff meant for satisfying some lurid kink and not one that serves a rather mundane purpose.

Also, left to ourselves, it would never occur to us men that we are in need of a new set of undergarments. It could be totally riddled with holes as if Olympic shooters were target-practising on it all day, but we would still continue to wear that undie on the extremely commonsense logic of ‘who is gonna see it?’  But one fateful day, the wife or the mother, as may be the case, would spot it in the cupboard and casually ask “what is this floor cleaning cloth doing here?”

“Those are my undies,” you reply with pride for some unfathomable reason.

“Don’t tell me you wear them,” the mom or wife will shriek in shocked disgust and fear that women otherwise exhibit only when they see an extremely violent and dangerous creature like a household cockroach. The point is it is only with that shrill squeal it would seem to us men that something might be wrong with those undies.

Another reason for our unease with underwear-buying is we men are never sure of what size we should go for. Don’t think naughty. It is because undies don’t come in units of measurement that normal humans can understand or figure out. It is always in a unit that one is not sure of.   Men’s pants are usually in sizes of 28, 30, 32, 34 etc. Most of us know that it represents our waist even though we can’t say for sure whether it is in inches, centimetres or kilogram. But when we go looking for undergarments for the waist-size of, say, ’30’, we are usually told to check out undies in the size of ’90’ or ’95’.

“90 or 95? what is this measurement of?” We won’t ask but would wonder silently.  But if this does not stump us then there are stuff that come with the ‘XL’, ‘M’ ‘L’ type of measurements, which, of course, have no standardization and differ from brand to brand.   Confused by this all there are stories of guys built to Hulk Hogan proportions coming home with undies essentially meant for Manobala types.

One more major problem with modern-day undies is — I want whatever Ministry is in charge to look into this —  you can’t tell which side is front and which one is back. But in our times, undergarments had a recognizable front in the form of a big ‘Y’ beading —  thick enough to be visible from outer space — and the one wearing it, even if he were just a 9-year-old, walked around as if he has had a boner.

Anyway, it is not for nothing undergarments are also referred to as unmentionables, and in my mother tongue, Tamil, there is actually no every-day word to specify what we make do with the borrowed colloquialism of ‘jetti‘. Though Tamil may not have an easy usable description for undies, it sure has given to the world what has to be the best, and the most original, brand name in the business: Sudarmani.

Still, I am not sure whether Sudarmani banians and jettis actually exist or not. I mean I have never seen (no, not in the literal sense) anybody wear Sudarmani stuff. For all I know, there are no real products from it, and it may be a spoof brand thought up just to help joke writers and humorists.

I would like to get this confirmed from the shopkeeper, but bloody damn, I still can’t make eye contact with him.

(Originally published in Crank’s Corner)

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After deep introspection over poll defeats, Congress sacks polling agent Amit Shahhttp://www.theunrealtimes.com/2016/05/27/after-deep-introspection-over-poll-defeats-congress-sacks-polling-agent-amit-shah/ http://www.theunrealtimes.com/2016/05/27/after-deep-introspection-over-poll-defeats-congress-sacks-polling-agent-amit-shah/#comments Fri, 27 May 2016 02:57:03 +0000 4nur4g http://www.theunrealtimes.com/?p=45026

(Image via intoday.in)

Buoyed by its win over BJP in Puducherry, Congress has reaffirmed its faith in the leadership of the Gandhis. Coming out of a three day soul searching exercise, the leaders of the party appeared aggressive like they did during Augusta discussion in the parliament. They questioned the media that has been trying to take the sheen off their momentous win.

“Rahul ji’s able leadership got us a majority in Puducherry. We also won maximum seats in the MCD elections of New Delhi. Our showing in the two UTs shows us that the young Gandhi’s leadership has finally started showing results,” said Digvijay Singh.

When asked about the defeats in the other major states where the elections happened, Singh seemed skeptical of the media. Arguing his point he retorted, “West Bengal chose Didi who is an ex-Congresswoman hence her win is our win. Gogoi losing the election was a wish granted by Rahul ji who decided to give the old man a break from his daily work load. He respects elders and wanted Gogoi to join Congress party’s Mookdarshak Mandal headed by Manmohan Singh.”

When asked about states like Kerela and Tamil Nadu, he deflected the question to Shashi Tharoor. Mr. Tharoor said that the disruptive politics played by BJP that introduced Sreesanth caused a sense of complacence among the Congress party cadre who felt they had already won the election when Sreesanth’s joined BJP. Tharoor said that Sreesanth was no Rahul Gandhi and hence overestimating his effect on the winning probability of the opposition was the major reason behind the debacle there. As for Tamil Nadu, the party has authorized Sonia ji to decide who caused the loss.

Rahul’s office released a press statement saying that the party will gain strength from victory in Puducherry and work towards ensuring success in other important union territories. He also signaled major overhauls before the next elections to keep the team on its toes. Several polling agents of the party in the losing states were sacked.

“Responsibility must be fixed. This introspection exercise was meant for this purpose only and we are glad that Rahul ji has taken the right step going forward. Unlike BJP that retained Amit Shah after poll defeats, we have sacked Amit Shah, one of our polling agents. This will give you an idea of the seriousness with which Rahul ji works,” said a pumped up Congress worker celebrating the Puducherry win outside Congress part HQ.

All focus has now shifted to Uttar Pradesh and Punjab and the party functionaries will meet soon to strategize.

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2019: The Election That Could Change Indiahttp://www.theunrealtimes.com/2016/05/26/2019-the-election-that-could-change-india/ http://www.theunrealtimes.com/2016/05/26/2019-the-election-that-could-change-india/#comments Thu, 26 May 2016 03:06:36 +0000 4nur4g http://www.theunrealtimes.com/?p=45014 Here’s a glimpse into some headlines that we may possibly see in the run up to the 2019 General Elections:

Modi pitches for a second term: Talks about 60’’ chest

Narendra Modi has got into the groove for the upcoming LS elections due in May. Addressing a rally in Saharanpur, he tore into the opposition camp calling it a disintegrated house. He said that over the past five years, not one allegation of corruption could stand against him.

Modi sent the crowd in frenzy when he asked “Mitron, all that I have gained in the last five years is 4’’ of chest. It measured 56’’ then, it measures 60’’ now. Batao ki Seena badhna chahiye ki nahi badhna chahiye? [Should chest size increase or not increase?]

(Crowd in a rapture): “Badhna chahiye” [It should increase]

“Seena badhna chahiye ki nahi badhna chahiye?” [Should chest size increase or not increase?]

(Crowd explodes): “Badhna chahiye” [It should increase]

During the course of his speech, Modi talked feverously about how he wants people to contribute towards changing India’s destiny through new look campaigns such as Make In India-II, Swachh Bharat Returns and Jan Dhan Yojna Fir Se in his second term. Without naming anyone, he questioned the merit of a 50 year old leader of a fringe opposition party who is now finding it difficult to hold on to the youth tag he has been carrying without much success since the last 15 years in active politics.

Drones capturing pictures at the rally, holographic projection of Modi on every crossroad in Saharanpur and rumors of Modi’s friends, Barack and Mark, joining him on the stage were the biggest talk of the town throughout the day.

 

Digvijay Singh calls for Rahul Gandhi to take charge of Congress before it is too late. Calls him a PM in the making

Senior Congress leader Digvijay Singh today urged Rahul Gandhi to take charge of the Congress party sooner rather than later keeping the upcoming elections in mind.

“The time has come. The win in the 2016 elections of Puducherry bear testimony to the leadership abilities of Rahul Gandhi. The day he becomes the chief of the party, he will lead Congress to greater heights,” said Digvijay.

It is expected that Rahul will take a final call on the demands of the Congress workers when he is back in the country sometime around the elections. Rahul is currently at an undisclosed location attending seminars on Women empowerment.

Even though there has been a general consensus among Congressmen on Rahul as their leader after Sonia Gandhi steps down, some party workers were seen holding placards reading slogans such as “Agar Rahul tera saath raha, PM banega Vaadra” [Rahul, if you support, Vadra will be PM] raising speculations of the first family’s son-in-law taking over the reins instead of a reluctant Rahul. With just four months left for the elections, it is time Congress takes a final call.

 

Kejriwal to contest against Modi yet again. Says fake degree holder will be defeated

Arvind Kejriwal met PM Modi and asked him to show his degree to him

Ex-CM of Delhi, Goa and Punjab, Arvind Kejriwal has launched a scathing attack on the PM asking him for the 5601th time in the last 3 years to show his degree, a demand that Modi has not given into.

“Doston, there is something fishy about it. Modi ji is not showing his degree. So far he was after our party and did not let me do any work in Delhi, Punjab and Goa where we formed governments in the last five years. The time has come to ask for a reply. Modi ji jawab do,” blazed Arvind.

The Washington Post newspaper carried two full page ads of Kejriwal’s success story in several states of USA today where AAP has explained why Kejriwal has not given up on asking for the PM’s degree.

We were called a party that leveled charges and then scooted off. The fact that we are still asking the same question for 3 years is a tight slap on the face of those who called us ‘scooters’,” said The Ashutosh who by coincidence was himself on the receiving end of a slap several years back.

 

Nitish Kumar to ban sale of Peanut Masala, Masala Papad and Onion, calls them alcohol accompaniments

“What use is peanut masala if there is no alcohol?” asked Kumar

After successfully banning alcohol, gutka and pan masala, Bihar CM Nitish Kumar is looking at extending the ban to items such as cigarettes, peanut masala, onions and masala papad from the country if his Secular Front comes to power. Kumar told the media that all these substances mentioned are accompaniments of alcohol and if alcohol is banned, there is no reason why the sale of these things should continue.

BJP was quick to dismiss this as just another frantic ploy by Nitish Kumar to catch eyeballs and increase chances of garnering women votes in upcoming LS elections. However, some of the leaders from the ruling party sounded jittery off the camera. With soaring onion prices throwing the middle class household budget off the track, there is a chance that the pitch to ban onion may find takers among housewives across the country.

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Inspired by Sultan’s trailer, Sushil Kumar to switch to boxing to qualify for Rio Olympicshttp://www.theunrealtimes.com/2016/05/26/inspired-by-sultans-trailer-sushil-kumar-to-switch-to-boxing-to-qualify-for-rio-olympics/ http://www.theunrealtimes.com/2016/05/26/inspired-by-sultans-trailer-sushil-kumar-to-switch-to-boxing-to-qualify-for-rio-olympics/#comments Thu, 26 May 2016 02:35:53 +0000 Sachin Nadev http://www.theunrealtimes.com/?p=45008 Over the last few days, there has been a raging debate on which wrestler should represent India in the 74 kg wrestling event at the Rio Olympics. While Sushil Kumar, India’s double Olympics medalist is demanding a trial and the Wrestling Federation of India (WFI) not keen on holding a trial, it seems that Salman Khan starrer movie Sultan has come to rescue.

The trailer shows Salman playing the role of Sultan Ali Khan, a wrestler who wins an Olympic medal for the country in wrestling but later faces personal and professional problems forcing him to leave the sport only to come back and play boxing.

WFI president Brij Bhushan Sharan Singh seemed relieved with the development. “Salman Khan has come to our rescue in this tussle between WFI and Sushil Kumar. We always knew Bhai is the perfect choice for the goodwill ambassador of Rio Olympics. Bhai Roxx!”

The move by Sushil Kumar to switch to boxing will also help in increasing the boxing contingent at the Rio Games since only one boxer has been able to qualify for the Olympics so far, as compared to eight boxers last time.

The final word on the matter was delivered by wrestler turned boxer Sushil Kumar himself. “Manne pehelwani zaroor chhodi hai, par ladna nahi bhoola!

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Donald Trump highly impressed with Chris Gayle, invites him to be running matehttp://www.theunrealtimes.com/2016/05/25/donald-trump-highly-impressed-with-chris-gayle-invites-him-to-be-running-mate/ http://www.theunrealtimes.com/2016/05/25/donald-trump-highly-impressed-with-chris-gayle-invites-him-to-be-running-mate/#comments Wed, 25 May 2016 02:35:12 +0000 C S Krishna http://www.theunrealtimes.com/?p=45003

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Christopher Henry Gayle may end up as the second most powerful man in the world, come November 2016. Highly impressed with Chris’s latest round of allegedly sexist comments, this time to female journalist Charlotte Edwardes, Donald Trump has invited the big hitting Jamaican to be his running mate for the American Presidency.

Gayle had earlier come up for consideration by the Trump camp after his ‘don’t blush, baby’ remarks to Australian female journalist, McLaughlin. But Trump had demurred then, feeling Gayle ‘perhaps didn’t make the cut’. But any lingering doubts regarding Gayle striking a chord with American voters were put to rest after his most recent interview in which Gayle held forth on possessing a heavy bat, threesomes, and gender equality.

Terming Gayle as ‘bona fide Vice-Presidential material’ and full of gravitas, Trump said it would be an honour and privilege to have “the Universe Boss” at his side in running the free world. “I have invited him and Natasha to join the Republican ticket asap. Chris assured me he’ll come over as soon as he finishes with the IPL and knock a few balls outta the park for us,” an excited Trump told The UnReal Times.

Gayle was initially reluctant but readily jumped on to the bandwagon after Trump said he could get to play with even bigger bats in the form of American nukes, once elected. “Sweet azz, I get ejected from Big Bash league but get invited to the Big Boys league. All I have to say to Ian Chappell and Chris Rogers and other stuffy ex English and Aussie cricketers is ‘chew on a carrot and kiss my [edited out]‘,” Gayle told The UnReal Times cricket correspondent, Sara Jacob, before asking her out for a drink.

American pundits have termed Gayle’s inclusion a political masterstroke. “We don’t see Hillary winning from here on. The Trump-Gayle ticket is oozing with too much of sexism and that makes them very sexy. Hillary’s best bet is now another Bill Clinton sex scandal eruption to get the public back on her side,” American political analyst, George Stephanopoulos, told The UnReal Times.

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